The Saga Continues

So more on the Matt story. This will probably be the last story on Matt because we are done. He officially wants nothing to do with me. He doesnt even want to talk to me. Anyways we hung out all last weekend and things went really well, so well that I thought we were going to work things out. Then I hung out with him again last night and he decided that we need to go our seperate ways. He doesnt know why he doesnt want to be with me, but he loves me and things just are not going to work out for us. I am so over the drama of this revolving door- make up/break up relationship that I just need to focus on school and get him out of my life. I am just having a hard time dealing with the idea of not having him in my life. The worst part is now I have to start over in this lovely dating world, which I am not looking forward to; so I am just going to be by myself for awhile. Besides I dont think it is fair to date someone when I am still in love with someone else! So I am trying to keep my head up and remember that I am a great girl and will eventually find someone who feels the same way about me as I feel about them!

Matt Update

This break up has been one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. I am so emotionally exhausted. I can't sleep. I can't eat, which is great cuz I have lost 13 pounds since saturday, but this whole thing really sucks. When he came over on Wednesay he had already made up his mind that we need to be by ourselves for awhile and let time take its course. I know this is a good thing for both of us and if it is ment to be then we will be together. I just have to say that if this is what we both wanted then we would not be sitting in my room crying togther for almost 2 hours. It shouldn't be this hard. I am so lost as to what to do. I only have one option and that is to let him go, but that is a really hard thing for me to do. He was my best friend and the first person I would call no matter what. Even if I had a girl problem, I would call him for help....sad I know, but we really had a great relationship. Besides the arguing about to get married or not to get marreid we truly enjoyed each others company. I made soo many good memories with him and for that I will forever be greatful! He is going to make someone very happy one day and I wish that were me, but as of now I can't be that girl :(



I wouldnt normally post things like this, bt writing about it is helping with the healing process. lol!

Heatbroken

Have you ever wondered if the guy you are dating is really the one for you? How do you know who is the one? This weekend I did a lot of thinking and made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I broke up with my boyfriend! I like to over analyze everything and so while I was sick and should have been sleeping, my brain was runnin a muck. I am 23 and about to graduate college and for the first time in my life I do not know what I want in life. Everyone I know is married and has kids or about to have kids and I feel like I should want that too, but I don't. At least not yet anyways. So I made a rash decision and broke up with Matt because I dont want to get married and I dont want to make the decision of who I am going to marry right now. So instead of dealing with the issue I decided not to deal with it and ended the realtionship. Since we have had this issue for awhile cuz neither of us want to get married he thinks that instead of working it out we should just be done. Needless to say I am totally heartbroken and totally regret what I did, but I guess it is too late now. He is supposed to come over today so we can talk, but he already told me last night that he is tired of dealing with this constant battle. I wish I could turn back time and make things right but I dont even know how to fix my own head for thinking the way I do. I wish I could not worry about who I want to marry and just live my life. Matt makes me one of the happeist people in the world and now that I have screwed that up I am really lost. He was the one thing in my life that no matter what I could always count on to pick me up and put me back on track. These days I dont really have many friends that live here in california and if they do live in Cali they live at least an hour away so he was my best friend. That is the hardest part of breaking up. Not only do I loose the one person I truly love I loose my best friend too. I have been so sick to my stomach since saturday and feel like crap cuz I have really screwed things up now.

Crazy Nights

Matts birthday was in March so I decided to get him tickets to the Angel game. I bought four tickets but only three of us ended up going. We had a lot of fun. My friend, Cari, got totally hammered because Matt kept buying her beers. It was hilarious. So after the game, we all went over to our friends house who happens to live down the street from Matt. Since I had been the DD all night it was finally my turn to join the drunkn fun. It did not take long for me to catch up since I am a lightweight, but of course when I got a little buzzed the night got a little wild. I seem to have the power to bring the crazy side out in people when I am drinking. I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing, but we always have a night to remember!

USGS

At school I am part of a research lab in which I study Chitons. Recently, I finished up the project I was working on and was asked to present my results to the Western Society of Malacologists in San Jose, California. It was a four day seminar in which professors and doctors from around the world came to watch people present their findings. When I agreed to do it I was under the impression that other students would also be presenting their research, but boy was I wrong. Me and my lab partner were the only students asked to present. I was so nervous about giving my speech in front of so many well educated people. Luckily, I didn't mess anything up and my presentation went so well people were really impressed and I was so relieved when it was finally over! Since everyone liked my presentation so much I now get to publish my results and I am very excited about it. All my hard work is finally paying off!