Heatbroken

Have you ever wondered if the guy you are dating is really the one for you? How do you know who is the one? This weekend I did a lot of thinking and made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I broke up with my boyfriend! I like to over analyze everything and so while I was sick and should have been sleeping, my brain was runnin a muck. I am 23 and about to graduate college and for the first time in my life I do not know what I want in life. Everyone I know is married and has kids or about to have kids and I feel like I should want that too, but I don't. At least not yet anyways. So I made a rash decision and broke up with Matt because I dont want to get married and I dont want to make the decision of who I am going to marry right now. So instead of dealing with the issue I decided not to deal with it and ended the realtionship. Since we have had this issue for awhile cuz neither of us want to get married he thinks that instead of working it out we should just be done. Needless to say I am totally heartbroken and totally regret what I did, but I guess it is too late now. He is supposed to come over today so we can talk, but he already told me last night that he is tired of dealing with this constant battle. I wish I could turn back time and make things right but I dont even know how to fix my own head for thinking the way I do. I wish I could not worry about who I want to marry and just live my life. Matt makes me one of the happeist people in the world and now that I have screwed that up I am really lost. He was the one thing in my life that no matter what I could always count on to pick me up and put me back on track. These days I dont really have many friends that live here in california and if they do live in Cali they live at least an hour away so he was my best friend. That is the hardest part of breaking up. Not only do I loose the one person I truly love I loose my best friend too. I have been so sick to my stomach since saturday and feel like crap cuz I have really screwed things up now.